Intimate with self

If there was an altar
I would lift this life and place it there.
But life is a stream of water
flowing through my veins 
and the sacred is found everywhere.
So all I can do is take my time to feel and praise,
let the words fly out of this heart 
like colibri, hummingbirds. 
It took some years, some drama, 
some wounds that are still aching and a few scars
to stop looking around
to leave everyone at peace, leave behind
and truly move within
inhabit my colours, my shadows and the light.
The stream of life is like a river, flowing relentlessly 
to soften thick tissue of the mind
to surrender ever-deeper this heart.
It’s hard not to remember now
that each moment is a drop full of life 
glimmering at my feet and in my hands
changing in the blink of an eye.
The pain washed me over and over again, blessing anew.
Brought the practice of presence
deepened intimacy with the self.
Forced me to quit all at once
the doing, the obsessing, the missing 
all disappeared at a glance.
A silent one sits on the edge of the present moment,
ever-alert as she turns towards
the feelings in the body
the clouds of the mind
the river of emotions, wanting to take her on another ride.
Listen-listen, don’t react.
You know you cannot fight, cannot resist and cannot contract. 
It won’t work; you tried too many times.
The teaching is to soften ever-more.
Accept, embrace and allow.
Human endurance is glorious. 
We can contain so much more than we dream about.
Utter humility of being embodied
such aliveness in the midst of the pain.
Muscles contract as if there was a threat
when there is none. A memory. An impulse that’a been played by the body over and over again.
Personality seems to be but an worn out narrative repeated continously to reinforce itself, 
a turning wheel that needs time to come out of its momentum, of its urge.
There comes a point when it has no use anymore, it just doesn’t fit anywhere.
I laugh, grateful for the moments when I'm ready to surrender and tear off the masks.
Let the light shine through.
Celebrate on the edge of sanity.
Celebrate to the edge of possibility.
We live as if we had eternity 
(we get bored, get frustrated, we don’t take courage, we regret, we complain...).
Yet we only have these moments.
Drops of water.
Tiny gems.
Full-power experience in the cradle of your hand.

* fot. Marek Kornelook